When young children play with children close to their own age, they learn:

Create Play Opportunities

Invite other children to your home or to play in the neighborhood park.

Go to another child's home.

Join an organized play group.

Find out with whom your child likes to play.

Make Your Home a Good Place to Play

Help the children with some activities, like cutting out shapes for arts and crafts, and keep an eye on them at all times. For the most part, it is better if you only get involved when they need your help. Give them a chance to resolve differences on their own.

Teach Your Child to be a Good Playmate

Before, during, and after your child plays with other children, talk about how to get along with others.

Set a few simple and very specific rules.

Help your child express likes, dislikes, and desires with words. Review what to say.

Show your child how to solve problems. Explain why something is not possible and offer other choices.

Notice and praise the children for things that went well.

Aggressive Behavior is Normal

Since it is hard for young children to understand someone else's point of view, there will be some arguments. Young children react to the moment and may do things without thinking.

Aggressive behavior is often not meant to be hostile or to hurt others. In fact, young children frequently get upset when another child gets hurt while playing.

When something happens that is upsetting, talk with everyone. Help each child try to see the other child's point of view. This way, children will learn how to avoid and deal with arguments.

If you are concerned about your child's aggressive behavior, talk to your pediatrician.

Tips on Reducing Aggressive Behavior

Provide the right amount of space.

A small number of children in a very large space, or a large number of children in a small space, tends to increase aggressive play. Have the right amount of space to avoid conflicts.

Plan how to respond in a positive way.

It's easier to guide children to good behavior instead of telling them what not to do. "I will be right here; come and tell me if you need my help."

Redirect behaviors like pushing, hitting, or taking someone else's toys to a more positive activity.

Often, this means it's time for a new activity. "We don't grab toys; we share toys. It looks like you're done with that truck for now. Here are some paper and markers for you."

Teach children to use words to express feelings, desires, and needs.

A child's first reaction is usually "physical," so this may be difficult to learn. With words, children learn how to solve their own problems. Teach your child to say something like, "I don't like that. Grabbing my toy makes me mad. Please give it back."

Assume a child does something for a good reason, even if the action is not nice.

What looks aggressive, like grabbing toys from others, may be a child's attempt to join in with others. Teach children to take turns rather than get mad at them for grabbing toys.

Pay attention to basic comfort and needs.

Conflicts are more likely to happen when children are too hot, too cold, hungry, or tired!

Dealing with Rejection

Playtime can be fun or difficult. Either way, children will learn a lot when they play!

At some point, your child will feel rejected by other children. Everyone does and it's painful. You cannot avoid hurtful situations, but you can provide support and love when problems occur.

Teach your child how to try again. Trying again is an important life lesson on how to respect and get along with others. Focus on teaching all the children involved how to get along and not on finding out who was right and who was wrong.

Your positive attitude is very important when your child is having a hard time.

Help your child understand why another child might not want to play when or what your child does.

It is easier for young children to take turns than to play with a toy at the same time!